*tra la la* I love the fae and old time maids and maidens. Very well written. Only a few things that I'm not totally in love with.... okay three to be exact. The first is "She had a soft embrace" that would be just fine except that you use it at the end of the verse and in that it just doesn't seem finished. you may want to change it just a bit to finish up that verse. (ex. "her skin, white as lace") The second is simply that it doesn't fit the flow quite right "Grace filled every step that she took." just take out "that" and it fits perfectly. Last and actually the least in this case, is the line "The years went by with a sigh." If you are doing a poem that has a rhyme scheme it is imprudent to rhyme the word again in the line. ("by" and "sigh") Try changeing it from "went by" to something else such as "The years left with a sigh." There, besides those... it was wonderful.
May 2nd, 2008 at 01:13am