I’m here as the new judge for the ‘Pre-Writes #2’ contest.
This poem is so sad in so many ways. Just in a few lines, I knew what the narrator’s life was. It really embodied this sense of hopelessness and pain, what with the narrator’s mother and their sister and their father. It was very powerful and heartbreaking.
I have a deep respect for rhythm poetry because it can be hard to capture all that you want whilst still managing to stick to a strict format. So I really like that you decided to write in that rather than the common freestyle since that’s more forgiving and flexible. The ending really disrupted the flow, though. The last four lines didn’t really match up to the rest of the poem. With the whole ‘pills/bliss’ and ‘myself/regret’, I felt like you kind of just… gave up? None of those words even come close to rhyming. You had created a really good momentum with everything else, so this really felt like smacking face first into a brick wall and I felt kind of disappointed because of it.
Other than that, I thought this was a well-written and emotional poem so good job.
This poem is so sad in so many ways. Just in a few lines, I knew what the narrator’s life was. It really embodied this sense of hopelessness and pain, what with the narrator’s mother and their sister and their father. It was very powerful and heartbreaking.
I have a deep respect for rhythm poetry because it can be hard to capture all that you want whilst still managing to stick to a strict format. So I really like that you decided to write in that rather than the common freestyle since that’s more forgiving and flexible. The ending really disrupted the flow, though. The last four lines didn’t really match up to the rest of the poem. With the whole ‘pills/bliss’ and ‘myself/regret’, I felt like you kind of just… gave up? None of those words even come close to rhyming. You had created a really good momentum with everything else, so this really felt like smacking face first into a brick wall and I felt kind of disappointed because of it.
Other than that, I thought this was a well-written and emotional poem so good job.