Writers Die - Comments

Okay, normally I don't comment on layouts because I firmly believe content of the poem is the only thing that matters, but this one is so narrow that it affects the line breaks, which affects the way the poem reads, so I just wanted to point that out.

I like your use of enjambment. It really changes the way the poem reads, and that combined with the lack of punctuation creates a sense of chaos that's perfect for the poem.

As the person before me said, I like the way this opens. "I fell in love with you at a very inconvenient time" says so much in so few words, and then from there on there's definitely a sense of progression and movement. It moves from innocence to desperation so suddenly but still fluidly.

I may be in the minority here, but I didn't really like the way it ended as much. I think it's mostly because the phrase "blood dripping out on the white bathroom tile" has become kind of cliche over the last several years. It's not that the poem ends with the death of the speaker that bothers me; it's really just the way that death is described. Also, the transition from the desperation to that death wasn't as fluid to me as the transition from the innocence to the desperation--which is odd, because that's a much smaller jump.

@ ninahx
Thank you so much!

I don't have the words.. This was just perfect, absolutely great and perfect! Just wow. I love everything in this poem. The beginning sounds very innocent, a bit happy even, but then it gets really sad. There is so much deep emotion behind the lines and the story in itself is great. I haven't actually even though about that.. And the title is amazing, like the whole idea of this poem. I loved this. Definitely worth a recommendation. You made my day. :)