Once again you begin to rhyme near the end! It is fine when you use it to further the peice "a game to be played, a pageant, a race to be made" but when you start ending each linein a rhyme where you hadn't before it brings down your ending. another thing you wrote was "Replaced by another day's unmerciful grace." I'm sorry for though it did have some theatrical merit, and I understand what you're trying to say, grace simply can not be unmerciful. That in itself would stop it from being grace. Otherwise the rest of it is wonderful. The thought behind it is wonderful and it really is a controversial subject. Its just the small things that hold it back from being truly incredible.
- Crayon Eater