Shattered Dream - Comments

i love this poem. its so good. :D

yes it drives me insane

^
Yeah, I'm one of those weird poetry writers that hates capitalization.
I know it drives some people insane.

[i]
so you still don't eat and you throw up the yogurt that is lunch
they still don't speak so you still purge as the clock counts down
society takes hold of innocent girls with simple dreams
and turns them into battered souls with broken angel wings
then they bury her in the dirt, six feet down
and glance around the graveyard to make another shattered dream[/i]

The last stanza was brilliant.

The entire poem was truly amazing. Not something I'd usually read because my taste in poetry is completely messed up, but wow. I'll start with the theme of the poem - an eating disorder, as you yourself put it - you conveyed your message in a very strong, straightforward way, and even though that can backfire on the author, you pulled it off. The chicken comparison struck me with its graphics. You've basically described the life of a teenage girl which had spiraled down due to the things society exposed her to.

The flow was okay, smooth. I didn't like the lack of capitalization - it may have been on purpose, but I'm touchy on that subject.

All in all, I'm glad I got to read this.