Eternal Spiral. - Comments

Stanza One:
The imagery is lovely. I like how the sea isn't the sea, but it's the innermost depths of the narrator. I like that it's questioned of the good it could bring, because it's almost a given that bottled thoughts are more harmful than those unleashed - and you allude to that there. I also, for some reason, was thinking about ships in glass bottles. I feel like that could kind of work with what's in that first stanza - merely as something reader could see, not something you should put in. :) Just a random thought.

Stanza Two:
I like the tone within this stanza, I like how it's not too serious, rather it sounds more colloquial and calm, rather than the tone in the first stanza which is just more questioning than anything. But I like how the thought processes are briefly alluded to - the fact that overthinking puts someone in a state, and it's just a silly thing to do. :)

Stanza Three:
It's neat that you change the imagery from the water to the earth - something more solid that wouldn't be hard to hide - but easier to hide within, possibly? But I like that it embodies the deadset physical, shown through the idea of the abstract things that can't be seen like the earth. But I also like how that seems to be what's happening to the narrator - becoming something less than physical, but in a poor state of mind. I just like the change :)

Stanza Four:
Then you go from the surroundings back to the personal again, I like how it shifts and presents things from different angles in a way. I like how questions are posed again, and it's working on the self.

Stanza Five:
And then you use feelings, weather, and how these things contribute to the feelings, and that maybe if the sun wasn't hiding, then things might be a little easier. But I also like how it's her sun - her happiness, hiding behind the moon - her darkness. I like how all of these things in the stanza relate to her so well. And I'm possibly so wrong in assuming that it's a female, so I'll stop referencing it like that now. ;)

Stanza Six:
I like how there's an acknowledgement that 'this isn't right,' but that's all there is too it. There's no mention of finding a better place, coming out of it. Rather, it's the looming dark trees in the darkness, the shadows ready to engulf her(?) - the peaceful song something that has given the narrator a peace of mind of sorts.

Stanza Seven:
Then the hope is gone, the moon is behind the sun forever, the ocean has buried the feelings, the earth is there and the narrator has disappeared. I like how you don't outright say what has happened, but there has been a battle lost, and the 'sic twisted game' was possibly too overwhelming.

I love the imagery, the language and the short lines of the stanzas. I like that it was easy to read, it flowed and it that it was just a lovely piece to find and read. :)

PLEASE don't stop writing. For OUR sakes!
*clap clap clap clap*
Well done! x

'Smother my thoughts
And drown my memories'

I can't get over that line.
It's literally the best line I've read in my life :D
The rest was good too xD

I love this poem! It's amazing. It's emotional. And it won in my poem contest!
:]]]
You're an amazing writer so don't stop. :D

I love this. I know exactly where you're coming from in this.
I really enjoy poems with the word "silly" i it. It makes the poem darker, and to me it makes the poet almost stronger?

This is really good.
Don't ever quit writing.
You're good at it.

I liked it. :)
"Where is the sun
And why does it hide
Behind the distant moon?"
was my favorite part.