thoughts and thinking

Sit here lying as I always do.
Birds chirp and the wind blows.
Light in the sky.
The colors swarm around me.
For a second it gets better.
My breathing becomes easier.
Then my thoughts come back to me.
My head starts to spin.
Remembering you.
Though always thinking of him.
My smile I miss.
He did give that to me.
However you cannot.
My love is a mystery.
I'm no master at it.
It takes up my time.
My memories.
My thinking space.
My life.
Driving me crazy.
My eyes are closing.
It is time to sleep.
Away I must go.
My love I must take.
Keeping it from you.
Givng it to him.