Confusing

I'm happy but really I'm sad
I'm in love even though I'm not.
I feel joy but really I feel hurt.
No pain but i see blood.
Little blood means less scars.
Less scars means less people to care.
Oh how I love it when people don't care.
My life is a blur.
I'm confused all the time.
My decisions are hard to make.
People are always around me.
Pretending that they care.
I'm just a nobody to myself.
That is allI will ever be.
Even though I try so hard.
My pain is senseless.
My happiness is fake.
My stage is always set.
I'm always putting on a show.
Lights come on and my face brightens.
Then it all goes dark.
I fall again.
Life is a beauty.
I do cherish it.
But what's in it for me, a normal life?
It will get better I will say.
For if not I will fade away.