screaming inside out

once again I find myself screaming,
inside out,
pulling at my hair
cause I no longer care.

I throw my insides in the toilet bowl,
flushing away my fears.
Leaving me with just my tears.
I drown in the sobs.
I long to shout,
but there's no-one there to hear,
my sins as they crash
inside the porcelain.
I give it all I have.

You just watched me as I fell,
into this routine
in which I try to clean myself,
of everything I did.
My throat is hoarse
My stomach hurts.
I force myself to get it out
cause keeping it all in
is so much worse.

I don't want to feel the pain.
so I eat and eat and eat.
I swallow the lies you feed
the innocent girl,
who I no longer am.
I'm stabbed by reality,
I bleed in vain.
But somehow I still feel this pain.
My self inflicted wound.

Tears seeping out of me,
as I follow my holy cure,
leading me into empty bliss,
death's giving me a single kiss,
leaving a decaying taste.
spilling out my guts.
coughing, chocking, wide spread eyes.
The splashing sounds of blood meets breath
leaving me in pained regret.
Once again,
I escape
death.
who I invite every single day,
by pretending to be OK.

In reality I am insane.
Drowning in my addicting sins.
Scratching at my open skin.
Trapped in a pattern I can't get out,
I pull my hair.
I'm back at the begin.
I want to cry, I want to beg, I want to shout
and once again I find myself,
screaming,

from the Inside out...

will I ever stop?