Muffins.

-"How do you not like muffins?", Those tender tasty treats asked me.

-"Oh, I LOVE muffins.", I corrected blueberry muffin.

-"Then why, OH WHY, won't you eat us." Banana nut took my attention.

-"Oh yes Sydeth! Why not enjoy us! We're delicious and soft and tender and sweet.", A moldy green muffin asked.

-"Eat you? I wouldn't let you out of that cage. I told them not to but me any muffins." I sighed at the thought of my birthday. The day they bought me....muffins...

-"Why not!?" They all asked at once.

-"I had a tale much like Turnpikes... once upon a dreary muffins were my favorite dish. I'd eat it for breakfast. Even lick the dish! Then one day I ate the wrong muffin. It was a beautiful muffin. It had grown off the tree in my window. It was a perfect shade of pink and it smelt like no smell I've ever smelled. Sweeter that any muffin I'd ever smelt. I picked this pink muffin from the tree only to find..."

-'What did you find?" they asked in unison.

-'Only to find the muffin would rape me!"

And with that I pushed the button atop the cage and all those muffins burst into flames.

o_O