Behind the smiles

My life is fading
And I've lost my pride
The time is passing
And I've lost my stride

My mind stops thinking
And my brain shuts down
And I do those stupid things
That bring me down

And those stupid things
Make me dwell on my past
And I can't move forward
And I can't let go

I'm only as happy
As I make myself to be
But I make myself sad
And wear my mask

Cause I'm not happy
And I never truly was
And even if I wore smiles
There was something behind

The things that I did,
They bother me
And the things that happen,
They bother me

And the things that'll come
They'll bother me
And I'm only as happy
As I make myself to be

And I still can't make myself
Believe that I've got it so good
Even if I'm still alive and breathing
But shouldn't that be a miracle?

Yet things still bother me
And the thoughts are haunting
And I just can't be as happy
As I'd like to make myself to be

And I'll pour my heart out
To no one but me
And maybe someday I'll understand
That I'm only as happy
As I make myself to be

But for now
My life's still fading
And I've lost my pride
And times still passing
And I've lost my stride