Jealousy

I can feel it the moment I see her
The feeling crawling up my throat like stomach acid
It burns my soul and makes me shake
I can feel the envy turning my heart black

I know this is a test, I know he’s stretching me
Can I hold up or will I collapse into the dark abyss of jealousy?
My light is shinning, my love is glowing
She’s my friend, but she left me and I now see what I didn’t before
I see how she’s so lucky, she’s so happy
Comfortable when I feel awkward,
People see her, when I’m only a shadow

Does she realize that I feel this way?
No, she could never see the hidden pain
How every conversation rubs it in deeper and deeper
I can feel the virus spreading through me
And try as I might, I can’t stop it
I am so confused, and yet so certain
That this is not how I want to feel,
I cannot allow myself to be jealous
I can’t allow myself to drown in shame

Does she realize that she has all of my deepest wishes?
Everything I wish I had she has
Even when I allow myself to have dreams, she snatches them up
It’s not the stuff,
It the sense of total belonging she gives off
She fits and I don’t
We used to be friends but she left me
And I’m stuck in the past expecting us to work

She has the talent I yearn for, the relationships that I wish
So much I had
The attention I can only hope to one day earn
It seems to me everything that I don’t have, everything I pray for, goes to her
Why Is it that I have to be around her???
Why can’t you spare me the pain???
Why does seeing her, talking to her, rub it in like salt to a wound?

I can feel it in bursts so violent and fierce
I don’t think I can stand much more
Before I drown in jealousy