This Isn't me

All my life I’ve learned to smile
And pretend that everything was all right
To forget about my problems
And help everyone else with theirs

I’ve learned to deal with my pain
But I’m sick of hiding in the shadows
And being wasted matter

I’m sick of the darkness
But the light blinds me
I try to cover up my scars the best I can
But somehow someone all ways seems to find them

Am I psychotic?
Or is it normal to feel this way?
I know that this isn’t me
I know it’s not like me to hide in the corner
I remember when no one could get me to shut up
So what happened?

I feel like I have two sides of me
The side I want to be, the one with hopes and dreams, and the one everyone counts on.
And the side that makes me want to bleed, the side that make me want to pull my hair out, the side that isn’t me.

How do I fix this?
How do I take control?
I’ve become someone I don’t want to be and I can’t trust myself
I can’t think without saying something negative
It’s all bottled up in side
I know that you know this isn’t me
Cause you’ve seen the real me, you were best friends with the real me.
And you know all the laughs we had how much fun it was.

I feel like I have two sides of me
The side I want to be, the one with hopes and dreams, and the one everyone counts on.
And the side that makes me want to bleed, the side that make me want to pull my hair out, the side that isn’t me.

In movies you see all the time that darkness never wins
So why does it feel like I lost.
I lost the person I was
The person I want to be
And I can’t figure out were it all went wrong

But I know
I’m still here somewhere
And I know
I got to find him
And take back what’s mine

Because I’m sick of lying here alone
Wondering what’s going to happen to me
I’m done hiding
And I’m ready to be the person you know I am

I feel like I have two sides of me
The side I want to be, the one with hopes and dreams, and the one everyone counts on.
And the side that makes me want to bleed, the side that make me want to pull my hair out, the side that isn’t me.