Ashamed

Ashamed of this place
And what I’ve done.
Ashamed of this world
And what I’ve become.

No one sees, hears or breathes
The sounds or words someone needs.
To fight the struggle and win the battle
Of life and death; the heavy chest.
As once more, you can’t open the door,
And the bowl calls you back, expecting more.

Noises erupt and echo throughout
The halls and walls of the empty house.
For when I’m alone and no one’s home,
That’s when I become a creature of hate and sorrow,
Never wanting to wake up to tomorrow.

Shelves are emptied as my gut fills with plenty.
I stagger crying; body dying,
Over to the place where things happen,
Someone of which you would never imagine.
Fingers to the back of my throat.
I try to breath as I choke,
On the last speck of sanity and pride.
That I have left inside.

A putrid smell surrounds me now,
As I try to figure out how.
I got here and when it will end,
And I pretend never again.
But once more,
I’m at the same old door,
Alone and lost,
With my fingers crossed,
That I’ll survive my little lies.