The Pain That I Hide

I seem to wear my heart on my sleeve, nothing I do it right... yet nothing is wrong. I know what I want yet I am confused. I am a devil in angels clothing waiting on sin. I do not know why I put myself through this, I knew hoe it would end. As inspiration flows through my veins, I still can not find the words I need to say. Like a little kid lost in the store, there is nothing that i recognize, all I want to do is hide. As I look in the mirror I realize one thing, I am hiding. From myself and this feeling of pain. The pain is so normal that I barely recognize it, I know it is there, but I want to hide it. No one deserves me or my problems, they all deserve better as there words will reveal. I see no beauty in the face in the mirror, I see nothing but hate and sorrow. I wish I could see what the others see, what everyone tells me that I do not believe. I feel like there is a hand wrapped around my neck, tightening every time I try to scream out. To the one who hurt me, my feelings will never change. There is always love flowing through my heart when I hear your name. To those who I have so near in time, I am sorry I didn't warn you of my demise. My heart turns black at every empty word and every hateful thought. I know my future, but I must not tell, for those who some how care will only be scared, not of me or the things I do, but how I will end up when fate is decided. I need not say what I must do, but I think only of you. Know that my heart goes, goes for the thing it yearns for the most, goes for the thing I need the most. As for now this devil remains, hiding in a recluse's little space. Guiding me through and keeping me safe, until the costume fades and only fate remains.