Why?

why?
why can't life just slow down so i can step back and take a deep breath?
so i can recover.
so i can breath.
so i can fix all my first mistakes.
why cant i just relax and not have to worry?
why does life keep piling all this shit on top of me?
until i fall.
until there is so much i have to worry about that i dont know what to do.
i cant concentrate.
i cant reason.
theres too much.
too much for me.
so much shit piled on top of me.
i cant stand back up.
why does it have to be like this?
why can't i fix something before i fall down again?
why?
why do i fuck everything up?
why do i always say the wrong thing?
why do i ruin the only good things in my life?
why?
why does it hurt my heart everyday?
but no one else seems to be affected...
just me...
why?
why cant i help my friends, ruining their lives with stupid shit?
stupid shit like drugs.
alcohol.
cigarettes.
why cant i convince them?
its killing me inside.
i feel so guilty for not stopping them.
what can i do?
i cant be there...
because they mean so much to me...
but what do i mean to them?
nothing.
nothing at all.
and why cant i help my family?
struggling more than ever.
and why cant i help myself?
so lost in life.
so upset all the time from everything.
why cant i just belong?
why cant i just stop?
why cant i just stop and rest?
just go to sleep forever.
go to sleep and never wake up.
i could dream until the end of time. i could dream...
or would i just have a nightmare?
so many questions that i will never have the answer to...
like why are you taking that path?
why?
please don't.
don't end up like the rest.
don't.
just stop.
please.
no.
but it's too late.
there's nothing i can do.
im too weak.
too vulnerable.
i can't help them.
i can't even help myself.
why?
why the fuck did i have to be born?
to suffer?
to cry myself to sleep at night?
to have all these useless questions?
to watch everything crumble all around me,
and there is nothing that i can do about it.
nothing.
i just watch as all my problems build up and build up until they just fall.
crushing me.
i try to run away from it all but...
i cant get away.
the problems will just grow at my abscense.
but in my ignorance i run.
and as consequence for my neglection
i feel the harsh concrete aganst my bare feet as i sprint toward nothing.
just more problems.
as these blisters tear and bleed and heal and repeat,
and i realize...
life is meant for suffering...
it's not fair...
all i can do is ask why.
i feel so much pain.
pains from wounds.
wounds that cannot heal.
emotional wounds.
all these things that i see happen everyday.
it makes me cry.
because these things break whats left of my heart.
these things keep me up at night.
so much on my head...
why?
i want to sleep.
let me rest.
in peace...