Paranoid & Pathetic

The floor will break beneath my feet,
the roof about my head.
The world is such a harmful place
when you can't rely on what's been said.
Each stranger is a murderer
and family, a cage.
Innocence dies young
until corruption takes the stage.
Loved ones die in nightmares
as the image makes me nauseous.
But they're the only dreams I have-
It's why I'm oh-so cautious.
Sometimes I wake up terrified;
my insides filled with knots.
And other times I'm crying
as my head fills up with morbid thoughts.
The walls are closing in on me,
the air is thining out.
The ticking of the clock
announces deaths without a doubt.
I won't worry for my own life,
but I fear, my dear, for yours.
Perhaps a car will overturn
and leave you but a corpse.
When claustrophobic thoughts do end,
I find myself alone and cold.
Crying out in darkness
for regretted words I never told.
Air is choked from in my lungs;
compression to my ribs.
Each graceful promise whispered
just turns out to be such fibs.
Sometimes I stand beside the window,
wishing I would fall
or tie a rope around my neck
and dangle loose against the wall.
Lunacy is teasing me,
it hides behind each door.
Perhaps the way to end it
is to spread my blood across the floor.
I have no pride to swallow
and my concience has been struck.
I feel I push away my loved ones.
I seem to be bad luck.
I hate my thoughts & habits
and I'm trying hard to help it.
And as long as there is someone there
I'll change slowly- Bit by bit.
I know I'm only human,
It's one thing that I'll admit.
Along with the idea
that I'm scared out of my wit.