I'm Afraid Under My Smart Ass Features

I don't know who they are,
But they're catching on;
They call me a smart ass
And they say 'shame on you,'
I may pretend not to care
But listen for a moment, Deary Bee
Listen to every word I say
I'm constantly afraid
And sometimes,
Retorting is my only option
Along with the unbearable
Staging of dates,
On those nights where you say
I'm impossible
And you'd rather
I just keep my distance;
Of course you would say that,
Because you don't know me,
My slight obsession with change
Though I'm deathly afraid
Of too much,
Though I over do it
Too often,
You probably don't even realize
I don't mean to
I know you hate me
Though I've done nothing,
But hold a facade
Of everything I'm meant to be
Obnoxiously spunky
And cutely unaware
I love how you pretend like
You know me
Like those snooty comments are real
I'm not so true to myself
And I don't love everything
I see in the mirror:
My nose is too big,
My hair is flat,
My eyes are overbearing
And oddly slanted,
My boobs are too big for my body
And I know you'll never see
Me treat myself how I really do,
Because I do it in the privacy of
My own home
You say I'm arrogant and cocky
And that may be how masks
Like to be shaped,
But if you were a little spy
And looked into my bedroom,
You could see me pick
Myself apart,
Tear myself to shreds,
Scream and cry,
Because I'm not all that tough
And sometimes
The things you say get stuck
Up in my mind
That you say is full of air,
So you can say I won't change
My mind,
Because it's set on this,
But if you could see how my brain
Really functions
You could hear my thoughts
Of just wanting to end,
Maybe you could
You just might understand
How I hate that you get to me
And how I have no affect on you
How I wish you thought of me
In more than just ways
That I irritate you,
But you never will,
Because I'v decided
To never show you
The scared little girl
That lives benathe my skin
And under the hatred
And know-it-all glances