I've lost time

I’ve lost time,
lying to myself that I still have

Enough…
I’m still counting the days, but doing nothing about it,
still hoping to hear your voice even though I don’t know who you are.

For days and months and years I hoped you’d free me from this prison of nothingness.
For I prefer chaos and heartache to what I am currently assigned to live.

The weeks are running backwards
I’ve been here before
yet I’m even more alone now than I was back then.

It seems as though I go through life as if it were an empty room.
Although it sometimes tries to suck me in
I cannot.
touch it, feel it, become engrossed in it.
I’m the statue of Venus.
they marvel, yet I cannot speak a single word.
My icy surface, it sends no sign of recognition,
even though I still yearn to exchange heat.

I push and push and push, but all I want is to tug.
I’m a walking contradiction,
a hypocrite
a stereotype…
I’m you, I’m him, I’m me..
I’m this entire fucking century.