Lapse of Conscience

I know that
I’ve used up more chances
Than most normal people are allotted.
I know that
Everyday
I mess up one more thing.
I know that
I seem incapable
Of being an honest, moral person.
I know that
I can never seem
To make things work for us.
I know that
It seems like I’m completely brain-dead,
For a lack of figuring this out.
I realize that I really shouldn’t ask for your forgiveness,
Because you’ve already given it to me
On more than one occasion,
And I seem to have completely ignored your requests.
I understand that you have little to no reason to continue
This circus, and you probably have no motivation
To keep me around.
I recognize my inability to properly respond
To seemingly simple problems and situations
That arise rather often.

And I have every intention of fixing this.

However,

Right now,

I don’t like the person I am.
I hate myself for hurting you.
I detest my own actions.
I loathe the choices I made.
I despise my idiocy.

But
I love you.

xx