Playing God

Thinking,
Sinking,
Staring and not caring
Slowly feeling myself slip away
Wondering what could take this pain away.

The Blade
The scar
Wondering how far…
Can I push myself to the brink?
Where I can finally sink?
Into the darkness and into the black
Where nobody can possibly hold me back.

Where the pain will fade
And the light will dim
As I lose my self within.

Wondering if I will go to heaven or hell
Will God judge me wrongly?
If I fell?
Will I be punished for my sin?
For taking me life that was slowly dying within

Or will I be welcome with warmth and love
That’s said can only be found from above
Or will I be cast away like an empty shell
Wondering between heaven and hell
To watch and never be seen
Just like when I was a human being.

Looking at my marked skin
I think of digging deeper
Increasing my sin,
That’s been tainted with blood
Knowing he’s watching from above.

I wonder what he’s thinking of me
Of what I'm doing
And what lead up to this,
To this moment in time
Where all stood still as blood spilled.

As my life began to slip
And the lights began to fade
Voices surrounded me and began to say,
Life is what you make,
Playing God,
Will only break it.