I Am.. A Closed Box Yet An Open Window

I am Jessica

I am a closed box yet an open window.
I wonder if all those silent cries in the world will eventually be heard.
I hear my heart beat accelerate and butterflies erupt in my stomach when I take a step forward.
I see handcuffs on hands and tape on their mouths.
I want to be able to take a plunge into the pitch black pit.
I am a closed box yet an open window.

I pretend to shrug off all insensitive words.
I feel myself shaking with fear, thinking no one understands.
I touch and tug uselessly on the handcuffs and tape on me.
I worry about the expiration date above mine and everyone else’s heads.
I cry when the world around me goes blank then I look around and no ones there.
I am a closed box yet an open window.

I understand you can’t just hit pause, rewind then press play.
I say that the worst critic is yourself, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it myself.
I dream that one day I can break out of the handcuffs and take off the tape.
I try to tell myself these scars will go away, but they never fade.
I hope that I will leave the earth smiling, chain-less and regretless.
I am a closed box yet an open window.