Reflection

Here I am
This person
An artist
A writer
This freak that seems to pick up on anything
That involves the borderless realm
Of the mind

Forever wondering
If these eyes that see the machine of life
Will ever quit stumbling through what should be easy
Afraid to speak in fear of wrong
Knowing the words that come to mind
Will show them just what lies
Inside
Never looking but always watching
Gazing at what is never to be mine
Even though I’m there with friends
Laughing, smiling, joking
I’m never all the way
Knowing I can never let anybody in
To fully see the monster
Behind these eyes
To glimpse the emptiness that I push away
With my thoughts
And mind

I would give my art
And my words
To unwrap these chains and free myself
To kill this emptiness that haunts me
In the hours my vacant eyes stare at the ceiling
Burning with the knowledge that I can
No longer deny
That a life filled with friends who
Know everything
Will never exist
That I’ll never be able to say a word
Without planning my every move
That my hand
Will never grasp another during a
Beautiful sunset

And yet, I struggle on
Telling myself the lies I never fully believe
That tomorrow I’ll wake up
And flow into the tide like I’ve always been there
As I sit and move the paintbrush
Across the paper
It comes easily to me
So easy
As my vacant eyes stare at the
Distant wall