How It Used To Be
How things used to be…
Things then were so simple,
So happy.
I met you and we just
Seemed to click.
I knew it wouldn’t last,
But I allowed myself that one
Small hope as I enjoyed the
Time we had.
Minutes turned to hours,
Hours to days,
Days to weeks,
And now weeks to months.
It seems both
Longer and shorter at the same time…
From the beginning,
You talked, I smiled.
I didn’t understand why or how
You managed to turn my near constant frown
Upside down.
As our carefree days
Of smiling and laughing continued
There came a day.
You said you liked me.
I replied that I liked you too.
Now I question if maybe one of us was at fault…
More time passed.
We moved from just talking
To a hug here and there.
And with every embrace,
I found my heart giving a
Strange squeeze of its own.
Then you kissed me.
A smile on my lips,
a blush on my cheeks,
a skip in my heart.
Everything seemed so fine,
So pleasant.
I should have known it wouldn’t last.
I think somewhere deep down…
I knew…
I just wasn’t willing to accept…
Or maybe perhaps I was just trying
To enjoy our good times.
It just happened all of a sudden.
You claimed I shouldn’t like you.
In response to my confusion
You claimed you couldn’t hurt me.
More time passed,
Passed in ear shattering silence.
You said you’d fallen in love once.
“So what will you do when it happens again?”
Your answer puzzles and haunts me even now…
“Who says I haven’t?”
So now you act the same,
Just the same.
You act as if nothing had occurred.
As if it were a bad dream,
Now dissolved into the cold night air.
But it hurts…
It hurts that you act this way…
It hurts that you won’t explain…
It hurts the most…
That you don’t seem to realize…
That I’m even hurting…
Now, with every embrace,
My heart feels heavy.
With every kiss it seems
To get smaller,
Ever smaller…
You told me you didn’t want to break my heart…
You’ll be happy to know,
You haven’t broken it.
But now it lies in my chest,
Torn into smaller and ever smaller pieces.
I’m sure I can tape them back together.
It’s a simple matter.
But it’s this feeling I
Can’t avoid,
Can’t escape.
It’s overwhelming.
It’s sadness…
It’s anger…
It’s even absolute ecstasy…
Some say it’s love.
I say it’s torture.
You’ve done this to me,
Yet if you realize it,
You don’t seem to care.
If you care you don’t show it…
It’s so strange…
How I finally, truly understand
Some of those love songs
That always grate on my nerves.
I won’t say it’s love.
I don’t know…
I’m not sure I ever will…
For now,
I’ll put my pieces back together.
I’ll strive for an answer.
Most of all…
I’ll wish…
I’ll wish with all the bits of my torn up heart…
I’ll wish…
That things were…
How they used to be…
Things then were so simple,
So happy.
I met you and we just
Seemed to click.
I knew it wouldn’t last,
But I allowed myself that one
Small hope as I enjoyed the
Time we had.
Minutes turned to hours,
Hours to days,
Days to weeks,
And now weeks to months.
It seems both
Longer and shorter at the same time…
From the beginning,
You talked, I smiled.
I didn’t understand why or how
You managed to turn my near constant frown
Upside down.
As our carefree days
Of smiling and laughing continued
There came a day.
You said you liked me.
I replied that I liked you too.
Now I question if maybe one of us was at fault…
More time passed.
We moved from just talking
To a hug here and there.
And with every embrace,
I found my heart giving a
Strange squeeze of its own.
Then you kissed me.
A smile on my lips,
a blush on my cheeks,
a skip in my heart.
Everything seemed so fine,
So pleasant.
I should have known it wouldn’t last.
I think somewhere deep down…
I knew…
I just wasn’t willing to accept…
Or maybe perhaps I was just trying
To enjoy our good times.
It just happened all of a sudden.
You claimed I shouldn’t like you.
In response to my confusion
You claimed you couldn’t hurt me.
More time passed,
Passed in ear shattering silence.
You said you’d fallen in love once.
“So what will you do when it happens again?”
Your answer puzzles and haunts me even now…
“Who says I haven’t?”
So now you act the same,
Just the same.
You act as if nothing had occurred.
As if it were a bad dream,
Now dissolved into the cold night air.
But it hurts…
It hurts that you act this way…
It hurts that you won’t explain…
It hurts the most…
That you don’t seem to realize…
That I’m even hurting…
Now, with every embrace,
My heart feels heavy.
With every kiss it seems
To get smaller,
Ever smaller…
You told me you didn’t want to break my heart…
You’ll be happy to know,
You haven’t broken it.
But now it lies in my chest,
Torn into smaller and ever smaller pieces.
I’m sure I can tape them back together.
It’s a simple matter.
But it’s this feeling I
Can’t avoid,
Can’t escape.
It’s overwhelming.
It’s sadness…
It’s anger…
It’s even absolute ecstasy…
Some say it’s love.
I say it’s torture.
You’ve done this to me,
Yet if you realize it,
You don’t seem to care.
If you care you don’t show it…
It’s so strange…
How I finally, truly understand
Some of those love songs
That always grate on my nerves.
I won’t say it’s love.
I don’t know…
I’m not sure I ever will…
For now,
I’ll put my pieces back together.
I’ll strive for an answer.
Most of all…
I’ll wish…
I’ll wish with all the bits of my torn up heart…
I’ll wish…
That things were…
How they used to be…