As the Rain Drops, the Blood Smears
Original:
I hear the rain hit the hard ground
As I put the knife to my wrist
Splish
Splash
The knife hovers over my fresh skin
I take the first cut
Hard and cold is the blade
Another Splish
Another Splash
Crimson regret falls from my arm
Where the knife had so boldly cut
A tear falls from the eyes of the beholder
As the pain surges through me
A final splish
A final splash
Another cut in the arm
And it seems to be the last
I grow faint and close my eyes
As the last rain falls
And the last of my blood drips
I don’t wake, but slip further and further
Into happiness, peacefulness, and sorrow
Revision:
She hears the rain hit the hard ground
As she puts the knife to her wrist
Splish
Splash
The knife hovers over her fresh skin
She makes the first cut
Hard and cold is the blade
Another Splish
Another Splash
Crimson regret falls from her arm
Where the knife had so boldly cut
A tear falls from the eyes of the beholder
As the pain surges through her
A final splish
A final splash
Another cut in the arm
And it seems to be the last
As the last rain falls
And the last of her blood drips
She seems to fade
Slip but not wake
Further and further
Into peacefulness
Happiness
I hear the rain hit the hard ground
As I put the knife to my wrist
Splish
Splash
The knife hovers over my fresh skin
I take the first cut
Hard and cold is the blade
Another Splish
Another Splash
Crimson regret falls from my arm
Where the knife had so boldly cut
A tear falls from the eyes of the beholder
As the pain surges through me
A final splish
A final splash
Another cut in the arm
And it seems to be the last
I grow faint and close my eyes
As the last rain falls
And the last of my blood drips
I don’t wake, but slip further and further
Into happiness, peacefulness, and sorrow
Revision:
She hears the rain hit the hard ground
As she puts the knife to her wrist
Splish
Splash
The knife hovers over her fresh skin
She makes the first cut
Hard and cold is the blade
Another Splish
Another Splash
Crimson regret falls from her arm
Where the knife had so boldly cut
A tear falls from the eyes of the beholder
As the pain surges through her
A final splish
A final splash
Another cut in the arm
And it seems to be the last
As the last rain falls
And the last of her blood drips
She seems to fade
Slip but not wake
Further and further
Into peacefulness
Happiness
♠ ♠ ♠
So, I actually wrote the original a longg time ago, and just today went back and read it. I changed the point of view and the ending, but decided I liked both versions, so that's why they're both up. :)Also, I'm very shy and nervous about my writing, in fact, only one other person in the entire WORLD has read my poems, (and not even all of them) so please don't be mean if you feel like leaving a review for me. (I like feedback, just please be nice. :p) hehe