Hate and Pain

There’s something wrong,
And I don’t know how to make it stop,
It should never have come to this,
Never in my life,
Did I ever imagine anything to go this horribly.

I feel like an actress,
Faking and pretending to be someone I’m not.
So no one can see the pain I carry,
And the smile I fake,
All because of you.

Where did this start?
How did it begin?
It’s an uncontrollable thing now,
And the only thing that makes this all happen,
Is from you.

You ruined my life,
Affecting it in a way you’d never know,
And I hate you for that,
I hate that I feel like I can’t tell,
Or trust anyone with this,
Or anything that happens in my life.

I blame you for all this unwanted hate,
And emotional pain I feel.

You ruined me,
And changed me for the worse.

Sometimes I can’t even believe how I am,
Or what it looks like,
From the outside looking in.

Since you left,
Nothing has ever gone the way I wanted it to.

I want you to just leave my life,
But I cant let go of the past,
I cant get away from the idea of you coming back,
I need to badly,
Just get rid of that idea,
But I just cant.

You’re the only person that has ever,
Made me as happy,
And carefree as I was,
And it was all with you in my life.

I feel so disgusting and fake,
And like something is wrong with me,
Because I have no control over anything now,
My heart no longer breaks with anything,
Because all that I had,
Somehow was left behind with you,
I am numb,
No longer feeling anymore pain,
When someone leaves or stays,
I just do not care.

But now that I have to get help,
All I can do is blame you,
For this hurt,
Confusion,
And pain that have,
For all the innocence,
And being so naïve,
Which you viciously took away,
I hate you for turning me into this.