Thin Ice or Shallow Water?
Think Ice or Shallow Water?:
I stand here and say to myself,
breathe.
One, two, three, four.
Inhale.
One, two, three, four.
Exhale.
Heart beats.
One two, one two, one two.
Calm.
Step by step, I'll inch across this,
Thin ice.
Not too fast, but not too slow,
Don't want to crack.
Breathe, one step, breathe two step.
Calm.
Then I hear a deafening crack,
The ice disappears.
I'm left in shallow water.
Enough of it to have that drowning sensation,
But not enough to lose myself.
Panic.
-kayla michelle berkey
2007
I stand here and say to myself,
breathe.
One, two, three, four.
Inhale.
One, two, three, four.
Exhale.
Heart beats.
One two, one two, one two.
Calm.
Step by step, I'll inch across this,
Thin ice.
Not too fast, but not too slow,
Don't want to crack.
Breathe, one step, breathe two step.
Calm.
Then I hear a deafening crack,
The ice disappears.
I'm left in shallow water.
Enough of it to have that drowning sensation,
But not enough to lose myself.
Panic.
-kayla michelle berkey
2007
♠ ♠ ♠
I scribbled this down in a notebook three years ago, according to the date at the top of the page. And below it I wrote, "When stuck at a point like that, you have to ask yourself, if you would contemplate suicide." And when I reread that, I sat down and thought, I thought about it all day long. And yet to this moment I can't answer that. Funny how I don't even understand myself.-kMb