Unchained writing I: Anaesthetics and Aesthetics (Sonny and Matt from FFTL)

Drip.
Drop.
Salted water
Hits the ink –
That hellish black
Now fades to grey
Before my eyes,
Across the page.
Because you always took my breath away.
It’s not like I had much to say, for I know

Love.
Promises beauty,
Hope and truth:
Promises you.
Promises you and your perfect wife
Will no doubt share, someday.
No doubt.
Someday.
When this tainted little life
Has passed away.

And in life, in love, in letter,
That’s all I have to say.
Oh.
And how I’m so, so sorry.

Such pretty little pills,
For such an ugly little man –
Better take a double dose on
Doctor’s orders;
For such a sick, sick patient of
This incurable disease.
This cancer of the heart
Will be the death of me.

So if I just
Open wide –
Drown them down with so-called water –
And how it burns like cyanide,
And how it reeks of suicide
Right now. Spilt on the kitchen counter
So I see: myself
Reflected, deathly white.
It reminds me, just for once,
I might be doing something right.

That photo
On the wall,
How dare it seem so long ago –
Yet just as I remember:
Your face flawless – every detail
Poised and paused mid pure perfection.
Just as I planned:
Anaesthetic,
An aesthetic
To be the last thing I see.

Now
Doused in poison from my kiss:
My desiccating lips just grazed
That lifeless fabrication;
Lusting the warm and lustrous skin
Of my only fixation.
Oh angel please, I beg of you
Forgive one final sin –
Of loving you. And then I swear
That I will rest in peace.
Amen.