Michael.
I live with many a feeling,
I carry them slung over my shoulder.
They pour out like sand through
My fingertips.
But not this time, this time
I feel nothing.
For a boy that poured onto me.
For all my compassion and guilt
And love and hate and sorrow
And wretchedness and hope
I feel so much less than human.
My God I am so selfish.
It was a lifetime ago,
So now all I can offer you is this.
I hope you found your Utopia,
And I hope it didn’t hurt.
But most of all
I wish I had wept –
God how I wish I had.
I carry them slung over my shoulder.
They pour out like sand through
My fingertips.
But not this time, this time
I feel nothing.
For a boy that poured onto me.
For all my compassion and guilt
And love and hate and sorrow
And wretchedness and hope
I feel so much less than human.
My God I am so selfish.
It was a lifetime ago,
So now all I can offer you is this.
I hope you found your Utopia,
And I hope it didn’t hurt.
But most of all
I wish I had wept –
God how I wish I had.
♠ ♠ ♠
About an old friend of mine. Two years ago he took his own life and I only found out a few days ago. Here's to you, Michael - I have not forgotten you.