I Don't Appreciate Anything Anymore

I'm alive, but I don't want to be.
All this emotional pain,
Makes me punish myself with physical pain.
But I don't understand why.

There's nothing that is enough for me.
When I have so much to be happy about,
I still stick to that sad thought.
That sad, alone, empty, dead feeling is all I stick to.
I could have everything,
And I can't appreciate it.
I'm so ashamed of myself.

I have so much to smile about.
So many people to laugh with.
But I'm so empty and dead inside.
I want to kill myself.
I want this emotional pain to be over,
So I struggle with physical punishment.
It doesn't even help anymore.
I'm too dead inside.

I wish I could just appreciate,
Everything I have.
I wish I wasn't falling to pieces.