This Is What It Has Come To

It is so much easier to get lost in someone else's world
Than it is to get lost in mine
With theirs I feel like I'm in control
But in mine all I seem to be is dying
I have driven myself into hole after hole
Expecting those who claimed to be best friends to help me
But what I am beginning to learn,
Is that it's not always going to go my way.
And I've seemed to convince the world
I don't need anybody but myself.
I only wish that statement was true in every way shape and form.
Only I have set myself up for destruction time and time again,
But what can someone expect when I've always been so broken
Not being able to ask for a helping hand.
Weakness is my weakness
Knowing I could suffer like everybody else really throws me off balance
My heart can hold as much pain as the next average Joe
I don't know what scares me more
Actually realizing I'm not invincible or having somebody else know that I'm not.
I attach myself to those who are no good to me
And look to them for support in minor ways
Only to find out that everyone is going to let me down.
I refrain from thinking about my life and what's happening now often
Because I'm so deeply afraid to relive it
I can't begin to even justify the things I've done
I've pushed people away when I've needed them the most,
And I've acted on some pretty conniving thoughts
Only to find out I'm the one who was hurt the most
Time is of the essence and I don't think I can handle anymore.
I really just want it all to go back,
I want to be in control