Shaw, the True Skeptic
"He is a martyr!" said George Bernard Shaw,
"Famous without ability."
The husband of a woman with a martyr complex.
No known sacrifice that we could really see.
"Satire! Mock him! Humbug to you all,"
hissed Ambrose Bierce at George Bernard Shaw.
George laughed and jeered, cried hilarious tears
All in the face of indignant A. Bierce.
"That's fine. Laugh now. Laugh now while you can.
"It is I who'll be laughing when you're banned from heaven."
"Banned from heaven?" asked George Bernard Shaw.
"Oh I'll make it to heaven. I'll soon show you all!"
So a day and a night and another day passed.
Bierce raced to Shaw's villa, and we all followed fast.
"I knew it! I knew it! He killed himself dead!
"His shoulders supported an ill-fitted head!"
And all in spite of Shaw's poor attitude,
Bierce held a memoriam, so as not to be rude.
Bierce wrote the eulogy and read it aloud.
One could tell, of the eulogy, A. Bierce was quite proud.
"He was bitter and shrewd and always rude,
"But George Bernard Shaw was a pretty cool dude."
Bierce died not long later; the year count was seven.
He was good enough that he ascended to heaven.
He met a winged woman at Heaven's great gate;
Her hair was aflame, her eyes filled with hate.
"Forgive me, fair maiden, for being so bold.
"You radiate rage. Your heart has gone cold.
"But how could this be? And why should it be?
"What ingrate corrupted your heavenly beauty?"
The woman, she frowned; her wings gave a beat,
and Bierce shied away from the venomous heat.
"A petty man; a George Bernard Shaw.
"He thought he was witty but left us all raw."
What could this mean? thought Ambrose Bierce.
How could George turn an angel so fierce?
It seems that in death, George Shaw stayed satirical.
To some, the tale blasphemous. To others, quite lyrical.
He was always sarcastic--sharp and bright as a star.
But who would have thought he would take it this far?
The woman, she told it as once she had seen it.
The tale was so wild, Bierce could hardly believe it.
Shaw had said, "Lord, I'm in heaven now, not dead in my yard.
"But if you're truly God, let's see an I.D. card."
"Famous without ability."
The husband of a woman with a martyr complex.
No known sacrifice that we could really see.
"Satire! Mock him! Humbug to you all,"
hissed Ambrose Bierce at George Bernard Shaw.
George laughed and jeered, cried hilarious tears
All in the face of indignant A. Bierce.
"That's fine. Laugh now. Laugh now while you can.
"It is I who'll be laughing when you're banned from heaven."
"Banned from heaven?" asked George Bernard Shaw.
"Oh I'll make it to heaven. I'll soon show you all!"
So a day and a night and another day passed.
Bierce raced to Shaw's villa, and we all followed fast.
"I knew it! I knew it! He killed himself dead!
"His shoulders supported an ill-fitted head!"
And all in spite of Shaw's poor attitude,
Bierce held a memoriam, so as not to be rude.
Bierce wrote the eulogy and read it aloud.
One could tell, of the eulogy, A. Bierce was quite proud.
"He was bitter and shrewd and always rude,
"But George Bernard Shaw was a pretty cool dude."
Bierce died not long later; the year count was seven.
He was good enough that he ascended to heaven.
He met a winged woman at Heaven's great gate;
Her hair was aflame, her eyes filled with hate.
"Forgive me, fair maiden, for being so bold.
"You radiate rage. Your heart has gone cold.
"But how could this be? And why should it be?
"What ingrate corrupted your heavenly beauty?"
The woman, she frowned; her wings gave a beat,
and Bierce shied away from the venomous heat.
"A petty man; a George Bernard Shaw.
"He thought he was witty but left us all raw."
What could this mean? thought Ambrose Bierce.
How could George turn an angel so fierce?
It seems that in death, George Shaw stayed satirical.
To some, the tale blasphemous. To others, quite lyrical.
He was always sarcastic--sharp and bright as a star.
But who would have thought he would take it this far?
The woman, she told it as once she had seen it.
The tale was so wild, Bierce could hardly believe it.
Shaw had said, "Lord, I'm in heaven now, not dead in my yard.
"But if you're truly God, let's see an I.D. card."
♠ ♠ ♠
I love my Cynic's Dictionary. I was working on an English project for a poetry unit and looked to my Cynic's Dictionary for some inspirational, satirical quotes. What started as a reference to two quotes by George Bernard Shaw became this long narrative poem. This poem has little to do with George Bernard Shaw OR Ambrose Bierce--the orginal compiler of the Devil's Dictionary, another satirical lexicon--but considering that they both appear often in the Cynic's Dictionary, and they are both personal favorites, I used their names for my two main characters and produced something witty.