Lying Here
This is a poem thingy that me and my friend bethany did in our math class because we were bored. Each time there is a new line, we switch writers. I start and then her and then so on.
Now we're lying broken on the floor
waiting 4
you with the loaded gun.
Would you
please pull the trigger and save me from the hell you created.
I laugh and wonder how you could
think it would go on. Think I would never notice
the time wasted. Not only did I believe
my feelings were safe with you, but
I needed more time. I wanted more. Something that
would fill the gaping hole that you were slowly creating.
Funny how I fall over and over
each time hoping and wishing that you’ll see.
But no. How can I make you understand that you
broke me. I was just a frame of my old self, a shadow.
Forming a new life...us..crushed...just a memory…
A wonderful dream that never materialized.
Something I thought would last.
Yet I waited and through the bad I hoped
you would be there. But in that time I realized
I was alone. You were only around when
you really needed something. I guess I’m kinda late. I don’t know why you
wanted to be like that. You were
everything I trusted. How was I supposed 2 know that...
I was all wrong. That you
wouldn’t be there 4 me like you said and promised. Did you think
it would last forever? Me
and you right? At least that’s what you said. You made me believe
I could always rely on you. But only on the rare occasion you were around.
Looking back, I see more clearly. I start to wonder and question myself. I laugh at the way...
I ignored all the signs of what you were doing.
I was oblivious to the obvious. How could I let you...this 2 me...but
it wasn’t only you. Maybe in my trance I chose to see my version of you.
And that version blinded me. I let you hurt me without me knowing it. Bet
the haze you were in wouldn’t let you see how
how you were acting.
How everyday
I cried wishing you were here. Wishing I knew why. I needed to
know that you wanted to be with me there. Instead we
fell apart you knew. You knew it and did nothing. I thought
that all my tears would bring you back. Oh
what I would do to start over. Now with
my hardened heart and tear stained memories.
I build the memories just to try and forget you...us...When
there was joy, when we laughed. When you
were mine. When I needed you.
I play them back now, just to remind myself of pain. To remember I know how to feel.
Thanks to you, I have to reminice about...
Life. Before you. Before all of this.
When I really knew myself. When I thought I knew who you were...What we
could be. Instead we are here. This time more worse than the last.
So I start again...It isn't us...Just me...Waiting...
Staringat the ceiling waiting for you to defend yourself,
but you say absolutely nothin. Looking at me blank. Just like...
You always did. Nothing has changed with you. But
I wanted to see a change...So...Disappointing. Why couldn't you just
let go, live in the moment. Why coudn't you trust me? How come you still can't?
I put everything into this. My trust, my love, my life, all to be not trusted, not loved and not being helped to live.
How could you lay there. Here I am breaking myself trying to get som connection
and you give me nothing. All this effort for no reaction at all...
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let this happen? Why do I never walk away?
I don't walk away because you hold me here. You make me feel
stuck. Like I can't go on. But that is exactly what I have been doing.
Going on without you...Can't breathe with you here...Can't think right...Can't...
Just a mess no matter what. There is no point anymore, nothing will make a difference.
But of course I mean you won't make a difference. None. You just make everything
worse. So bad that I can't go on. I want you to do it. I want you to end my pain.
End it. We're lying here broken on the floor...Waiting with the loaded gun...
Just please pull the triger and bring me my peace.
Now we're lying broken on the floor
waiting 4
you with the loaded gun.
Would you
please pull the trigger and save me from the hell you created.
I laugh and wonder how you could
think it would go on. Think I would never notice
the time wasted. Not only did I believe
my feelings were safe with you, but
I needed more time. I wanted more. Something that
would fill the gaping hole that you were slowly creating.
Funny how I fall over and over
each time hoping and wishing that you’ll see.
But no. How can I make you understand that you
broke me. I was just a frame of my old self, a shadow.
Forming a new life...us..crushed...just a memory…
A wonderful dream that never materialized.
Something I thought would last.
Yet I waited and through the bad I hoped
you would be there. But in that time I realized
I was alone. You were only around when
you really needed something. I guess I’m kinda late. I don’t know why you
wanted to be like that. You were
everything I trusted. How was I supposed 2 know that...
I was all wrong. That you
wouldn’t be there 4 me like you said and promised. Did you think
it would last forever? Me
and you right? At least that’s what you said. You made me believe
I could always rely on you. But only on the rare occasion you were around.
Looking back, I see more clearly. I start to wonder and question myself. I laugh at the way...
I ignored all the signs of what you were doing.
I was oblivious to the obvious. How could I let you...this 2 me...but
it wasn’t only you. Maybe in my trance I chose to see my version of you.
And that version blinded me. I let you hurt me without me knowing it. Bet
the haze you were in wouldn’t let you see how
how you were acting.
How everyday
I cried wishing you were here. Wishing I knew why. I needed to
know that you wanted to be with me there. Instead we
fell apart you knew. You knew it and did nothing. I thought
that all my tears would bring you back. Oh
what I would do to start over. Now with
my hardened heart and tear stained memories.
I build the memories just to try and forget you...us...When
there was joy, when we laughed. When you
were mine. When I needed you.
I play them back now, just to remind myself of pain. To remember I know how to feel.
Thanks to you, I have to reminice about...
Life. Before you. Before all of this.
When I really knew myself. When I thought I knew who you were...What we
could be. Instead we are here. This time more worse than the last.
So I start again...It isn't us...Just me...Waiting...
Staringat the ceiling waiting for you to defend yourself,
but you say absolutely nothin. Looking at me blank. Just like...
You always did. Nothing has changed with you. But
I wanted to see a change...So...Disappointing. Why couldn't you just
let go, live in the moment. Why coudn't you trust me? How come you still can't?
I put everything into this. My trust, my love, my life, all to be not trusted, not loved and not being helped to live.
How could you lay there. Here I am breaking myself trying to get som connection
and you give me nothing. All this effort for no reaction at all...
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let this happen? Why do I never walk away?
I don't walk away because you hold me here. You make me feel
stuck. Like I can't go on. But that is exactly what I have been doing.
Going on without you...Can't breathe with you here...Can't think right...Can't...
Just a mess no matter what. There is no point anymore, nothing will make a difference.
But of course I mean you won't make a difference. None. You just make everything
worse. So bad that I can't go on. I want you to do it. I want you to end my pain.
End it. We're lying here broken on the floor...Waiting with the loaded gun...
Just please pull the triger and bring me my peace.