My Spinning Head

My head is spinning
My heart is racing
I've got butterflies
but not the good type

My eyes are filled with tears
My mind dwells on this one subject
How can I stop this
How can I feel happy

My laughs are fake
My smiles aren't real
What did I ever do to deserve this

Is this my punishment
For being my faggot self

I want to stop breathing forever
I wanna stop living but never
Do I wanna end this life
Or put another knife to my wrist
And cut it

Or cry for the words my mouth can't say
Is it okay for me to ask that much
Will I ever stop joking about the emo kids
When I really mean myself?