Closer

I can feel
your heartbeat
ticking like the arms of a clock.
I can feel
your breath
against my shoulder,
blowing softly with each exhale.
And that distinct pulse
that beats steadily as if
this moment
were nothing special,
nothing out of the ordinary.
Yet,
despite all of this evidence,
why can’t I feel you there?
If I close my eyes
tracing through my memories,
will it remind me
how to feel around you?
I can’t put my finger
on that emotion
that was always paired
with your name.
Now,
your name pulls
on my heart like an anchor.
It pulls and pulls until
it collapses in my stomach
like a shipwreck.
Nothing
will bring me closer to you
not even wings.