Why Bother?

I still feel the pain,
Cannot enjoy myself.
I watch them having fun,
Smiling, Laughing, Belonging.

I can't join that.
I'm not oblivious to the hurt.
I thought it had faded,
But the sharpness only dulled.

I still continue to ache.
It isn't any one person's fault.
It's just everything,
Completely built up.

I've been broken,
Multiple times.
Left by myself to,
Pick up the pieces.

I'm tired of this.
If nobody cares,
If I don't matter,
If it isn't important,

Then why do I bother?
I try so hard,
to feel better, to fit in.
But I can't.

Why even try?
Why spend the time,
On such a wasted effort?
Why do I bother?