This is Me

I feel like the outcast
My heart's stopping fast.
I'm the one with all the overflowing tears.
I'm the one with all the pointless fears.
I solve my problems by screaming them out
While my family's emotions are like the rain in a drought.
The only one who has to resist when she sees a sharp tip
The only one who cries herself to sleep & feels her life rip.
I lock myself in my room so I don't feel so alone.
While my mother's & sister's laugh fill this home.
Here I think of the pros of breathing,
which don't even compare to the pros of leaving.
When I sit alone no one cares to check on me.
Being born is the thing I regret most deeply.
I can't stand my stinging eyes & staggering breaths.
And I wonder "why can't I be 1 on those million deaths?"
No one knows my actual pain
They all think I want attention, but I truly have nothing to gain.