Dear Daddy Dearest

nothing i do
ever feels as though
it is what you want
Daddy Dearest
why is that so?

why can i make
one little mistake
and its the first thing
you could notice

why can i get
a good grade,
and you find something
wrong about it.

why does it feel like
my relationship
with my Daddy Dearest
is none like my friends
relationship with there fathers?

i use the term father
quite losely in your case,
you gave me life....
and you support me

other than that you make
my life so much harder
i constantly, live, trying
to reach the standards
my sister sets.

my sister is a perfect angel to you
my sister had low standards
for she is your first born child,
but your second kid.

my brother didnt set high
standards, my sister followed him
and set the standards
to almost unobtainable

but since im her younger sister,
you guys say i can do it too.

Daddy dearest,
i am not my sister
but i am me,
and i am not capable of
living to your standards.

unfortunalty your standards
are unobtainable
you ask of me
to be something i am not

while me and my sister
are similar in some ways
in others we are not

i am not a straight A student
i get A's and B's although
that is not good enough for you
because if i just tried
a little harder i could get straight A's

i am a good soccer player,
but i do not play like my sister
i am not a foward or a goalie
i am defence and midfield
not that you understand why

daddy dearest, you
you think you know me
dont you?

i can guarentee you dont
you dont know me at all
you see who you want me to be
not who i am
you seem to be blind to my good qualities
but you know what my imperfections are.

you think my phone is my life
did you ever stop to think that
maybe its who i am talking to
and what they say that makes me use my phone?

did you ever stop to think that
just maybe,
i use my phone to keep
myself from being who i was before

did you ever stop to think
the boys i talk to defend you
when i am mad,
that they talk me out of hating you
that they know more about me then they do?

how often do we see eachother?
i get it you work 3jobs,
but you manage to see the babies
ive seen you and amanda laughing
ive heard you and stephen talking about cars
but you never come up to say hi
to ask me how i feel
to ask me if it was a hard day

i doubt you know the least bit about me,
do you even know how many boyfriends ive had
do you know how many detentions ive gotten?
do you?

in your mind im the 4 year old
laughing and playing with her daddy
not the 14year old
whos in highschool
whos pretty much a loner
who has so much to say to you
but never sees you long enough
to say it all

you said your worried for me,
because im just like you were when you
were my age
did it ever occur to you to maybe
take the time out of your day
to tell me what it was like
to be my age and in handcuffs

because if you dont
thats were im gonna be
i already know that,
but do you?
do you really think it could happen to me?
i learn by my own mistakes
but i still need your guidance
to get where i need to be.

Daddy Dearest,
as much as i say i hate you,
and you have an odd way of showing love,
its another one of those things i say when im mad,
but dont ever really mean