Love &Denial

Laugh as much as you want
Mock me, but I’m not taking it back
I said it, and I’ve never been that glad
So, tell me now, do you love me too

Do you steal glances at me when I walk past you
Because I know I do that every time
Does your heart flip around, or skip a beat
Or even feel something when I talk to you

And right now, when we’re standing alone
Do you feel the urge to kiss me as much as I do
Do you stutter in your talking, cuz you’re thinking of me
Or even had any small dreams about me

I know I love her, which is killing me though
My heart is dying to tell her, but I still won’t do
She shouldn’t know, she wouldn’t ever do
I’m getting over it, and leaving her behind

Why struggle, when I know there are no chances
She loves me, I love her, but everyone hates it
She’s just too perfect for someone like me
And my cocky, jerky’s self would surely drive her away

But I’m not in for another heartbreak
And I won’t stand it, if I hurt her feelings
I can’t erase the past, but I’m holding the future
It won’t be easy to go through this again

“No” he said, and with that he walked away
Leaving me alone, collecting my heart and tears
I didn’t really expect him to fall head over heels
But I was dying, by keeping it within me

I reached my bed, and collapsed in tears
I lost my dignity, for a person like him
Why I even loved him, I don’t know
No, correct that, I know why I still do

I know his jerkiness is just a cover
He’s a sweet, caring person inside
If I can just convince him I’m the one for him
If he can see that we belong together

“Jerk! Jerk! You won’t ever get over it”
I kept repeating to myself, crying in the process
I can’t believe I just left her like that
Didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye

But I can’t help it, she looks so much like her
Every time I meet her, she reminds me of her
She sends me back, 6 years ago
To where I was experiencing my first heartbreak

Where I was standing with my first love
When she told me she was leaving me
She said she had found “someone else”
Someone even better than me

I knew she never even loved me
But I still had many feelings for her
And since then I swore I’ll never fall again
I’ll never give my heart to another girl

I’ve been keeping that promise for so long
I never loved any girl since then
But now came her, she took over my life
She made me break all the rules I had

Today when I saw him again, I couldn’t help it
I felt the tears on my face, and ran away
I hid behind a tree, and broke down
I can’t believe what’s happening to me

I thought I got over this, but I know I won’t
He’s just controlling every beat of my heart
And meeting his eyes today, totally killed me
And I guess seeing me crying, made him laugh more

I knew I shouldn’t have come when I knew he’ll be here
But I thought I was strong enough to deal with this
It’s been a month since I last saw him
Since I swore I’ll stand strong, and get over this

But it seems I can’t really keep my promises
Can’t help it when I see him around
I can’t control my heart thrusting after him
can’t deny my undying love to him

I saw her come in, and stood to leave the place
I can’t help myself if I cry when I see her
But as I was moving, she started sobbing and ran away
And I felt the tears fighting to pour out

I didn’t know what to do except run after her
I needed to hold her, and wipe her tears
Maybe I’m not ready for another heartbreak
But trying to leave her, only made it worse

I love her, and can’t control it anymore
And I can’t imagine my life without her
She just complements me, sees me through
And I adore every single thing about her

I love her simplicity, and freedom
And how she can just make my heart whirl
I love the way she laughs, so innocently
And how she understand me more than I do

It seems I couldn’t really keep my promises
Couldn’t help it when I’m around her
I Can’t control my heart thrusting after her
I can’t deny my undying love to her

I heard sobbing, and found her lying there
She was behind a tree, with her hair on her face
I sat beside her, waiting for something to say
But I felt my tongue frozen, and my hands so numb

I looked up, and found him beside me
Looking so confused and staring deeply
I stood up to leave, but he held my wrist
And gently pulled me back to the ground

He looked so beaten, like he couldn’t talk
He was still holding my hand, but I let go
I can’t make him see how much I’m broken
I won’t give him the pleasure to see my pain

He looked away, n I swear I saw him cry
It was really hurting me more than when I do
I held out my hand for his, but stopped midway
As he started singing, gazing into my eyes

‘You know that feeling, I have for you
The one that keeps haunting my heart
And although I’m not brave enough to admit
I know my eyes say it all
Just listen to my heart, how it’s screaming your name
Just feel the tears in my eyes
Cuz I know you know that we are the same
We can’t just admit our love
Baby you know we belong together
And I just hope you’ll be mine
I swear I’ll never hurt you again
And with me, you’ll always be fine
I’ll wrap you in my arms, and hold you to me
I’ll protect you from any harm
And when you’re feeling down, or breaking
I’ll always be there for you
So baby, just say you love me too
Just say you want me as much as I do
Cuz baby you know that we belong together
And I just hope you’ll be mine”

“I’m really sorry” was all I managed to say
After finishing the song, I walked away
And then I thought again, and turned back
But, I just didn’t find her there

I couldn’t believe what he just did
He sung to me, n confessed his love
I swear I’d never been happier in my life
But he just apologized and walked away

I took a moment to process what happened
Then stood up quickly and ran away
He loves me, I know, but he’s just not that brave
And now, what I’m going to do?

I think I’ll just wait for him to take another step
But I was really doubting he’ll do
And I know that I can’t just wait forever
But, my heart won’t let me go

Next thing I know he was standing at my door
It was raining, and he was shivering in the cold
I was paralyzed, couldn’t talk or even let him in
I just stood staring, more shocked to even smile

“I love you, and I’m sorry for everything I did
I’m sorry for leaving, and for not being brave enough to admit
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before that I loved you
And I’m sorry for hurting you like this”

I just said it, I confessed my love to her
And I can’t describe how good it felt
It’s like a huge burden lifted off my chest
But more important, I loved how she looked

Her mouth began curling into a smile
And her eyes began to water, along with mine
I even forgot I was standing in the rain
And suddenly couldn’t feel except the beating of my heart

“Finally” was all I managed to say
Before I jumped on him, hugging him tightly
Oh!! How I longed for doing this
I even couldn’t believe it was real

He was warm, and smiling hugely
And kept saying that he loves me
I could feel his heart beating along with mine
It was so full of passion, it was real love

It felt so good, hugging her
It was like a dream come true
I confessed my love, and she forgave me
Life could never be happier for me

I was dying to do this for so long
And now I know she’s mine
I traced along my pocket, making sure
And then pulled away from her

“Do you love me?” I asked her
“yes” she said, with a huge smile of hers
“would you forever be mine?”
“yes, I’ll always be yours”

He pulled a velvet box out of his pocket
Then kneeled down, looking up at me
“Would you marry me?” he said
I thought about it, do I want to?

I love him, that’s out of question
I love being around him too
I only feel safe when I’m in his arms
And I would die if he wasn’t in my life

“yes” she said jumping up and down
I could feel the happiness running down my spine
I took out the ring and put it in her finger
And then got lost in my first kiss from her

But it seems I couldn’t really keep my promises
Couldn’t help it when I’m around him/her
I can’t control my heart thrusting after him/her
I can’t deny my undying love to him/her