Fake A Smile

I have noticed that as
long as i smile no one
will bother me or yell at me

It doesn't matter that My Face Stings like Hell from were she just hit me
as long as when my Parent gets back i lie and say i walked into my door,
so she won't hit me again for snitching.

It doesn't matter that the page in my diary where i wrote this is soaked from me crying.

It doesn't matter to anyone that how ever many scars there is on my wrists,
as long as i lie and say my cat scratched me.

It doesn't matter to anyone that she hits me every single day without fail, as long as i don't hit her back i will be fine and not shouted at.

It doesn't matter to anyone that there people in this world i despise but am to afraid to scream it at them when ever i see them.

And It doesn't matter to anyone that my writing is really messy,
because right now every noise that is made frightens me.

And It doesn't matter to anyone that i'm freezing and sitting outside in the rain on the floor because i would rather do that then be inside with her.

And it doesn't matter to anyone that everyone thinks i'm ok when i'm not
because i know they don't really care quite enough to realise that the 'smile' on my face is fake.

But it does matter to me that ever since he left
i cried my-self to sleep every night.

And it matters to me that i couldn't care less if i was shot in the head
this very second.

And It matters to me that everyday i wished yesterday i cut a little deeper so that i could sleep forever.

And It Matters to Me that all of this is true,and that also scares me.

Because i know that i would feel so much better then i ever would here, even though my brain tells me i shouldn't think these things i still do