kinda rough. (think it still needs work)

poems let me tell the truth.
but can not sadly, bring back my youth.
i was happy once upon a time.
feels like happieness now is a punnisheble crime.
iv been told to do a poem on my mum.
then poems over before it begun.
for i did not know her verry well.
nothing really for me to tell.
shes the half i live without.
love, happyness, forgivness.
all in drought.
unsure if i can forgive what shes done.
as i reach my hand out for a gun.
my love for her drove me mad.
i wonder if she loved me back.
when i think of her i cry all night.
i cry untill my gut wrenches tight.
so manny questions with out evan a clue.
why were our familys ashamed of you.
was it cause you gave beth to two useless kids.
or the fact you got up and called it quits.
dose not matter in the end.
herd the news that you were dead.
your the only one i hate and adore.
i cant do this anymore.
i say to everyone farewell.
this poems says more than i could ever tell.
eyes shut,
barrel at my head.
and in a bang.
i paint the walls a crimson red.