Behind This Disguise...

When you look at me, what do you see?
Do you see my body, or do you see me?
Do you see my lips, hair, nose, eyes
And admire them, and not me?
Or do you look deeper into my eyes and see who I am?

Can you see the love, the fear, the joy, the pain?
Can you see that I don’t like who I am?
Can you see that I am afraid of the world?
Afraid of what they think
Can you see the confusion, and insecurity?
Can you see that I don’t know who I should be?

Most can’t see theses things at all
Probably because I shut myself off to the world
I sneer and smirk and cause pain to deal with
Myself. Trying to hide from myself

Do you see that I don’t try to hurt others?
That I don’t try to hurt you?
Do you see that it kills me inside every time I see
That flash of surprise and pain on your face?
Do you see the war that I wage within?
The war between who I am now and who I used to be
Do you see that I feel tortured and alone?
That I have no one to turn to?
Do you see that I feel pushed out of the way?
That I push back because I don’t know what else to do?

Can you see that this smile is nor more than I façade?
That I am hiding behind false laughter?
Can you see that the me you think that you know really isn’t me?
At all?

No.
You don’t.
No one sees.

Because the greatest disguise of all is a smile