Relaps Wish.

I haven't cut in almost a year.
I feels good, not cutting.
But things happen and I get the wanting to cheat.

I secretly tell myself,
"Come on! One small scratch won't be noticeable! You know that you can't live without that feeling of life pulsing through your veins! Of the way the blood trickles its way down your skin, Staining it."

But then I think about my friends, the face of worry that sometimes shadows its way onto their faces. When they think I am not looking.
But I've seen them, They aren't always there, but just the look in their eyes I can tell.

They don't wish for me to hurt myself anymore.

They feel helpless, unable to do anything, don't know what to say or do with me anymore because their afraid to say the wrong thing and put me back into that state of uncontrollable feeling once again,

Cutting.

Every time I think about it, their faces, their words flash in my head, like by passing bill boards. Stopping me from doing anything,

then I think again...
about everything.

I'm sorry.