Hopeless Escape

I watch as her smile begins to fade.
Only through hushed lips can I say 'I'm Sorry'.

I watch as each tear drips off her cheek,
to choked up to speak.
The scars of her past, still lightly engraved on her skin,
Only holding on to a thread so thin.

I can't help but to think to myself, "Am I the one to push her back into the past?"
The past of painful memories.

Deep inside, through seeing this, I am numb.
Contemplating my reasons for being so dumb.

Wondering what made me do such a cruel thing to her,
the beautiful girl who chose an idiot like me.

For some things aren't always as they seem,
walking down this shattered dream.
I wish she never fell in love with me,
I'm the bad guy, can't she see?
My violence and addictions created her mental pain,
Staying with me she has nothing to gain.

Staying in this unstable relationship only creates a personal hell for her.
Never letting her escape.
Why can't she realize the only way to become free is to break away from me!

Oh can't she see I'm a horrible man?
I don't understand why she still gives a damn...
Although, I really love her too...
But with my addictions I just can't stay true.

Unable to control my feelings toward her,
constantly changing due to this God damn addiction!

So I whisper the words to say good bye...
My lips brush lightly against her cheek leaving her wondering why.
I force myself to walk away with a heavy heart.
In pain I realize this is the only thing I've done smart