GROUNDATION

It’s my first time
I have never done anything like this before
I didn’t tell anyone
They didn’t know where I was
It took them four hours to find me
They were all worried
I don’t care
I needed to get away
So I just left
I had fun
I actually had fun….
When they finally found me I got grounded
But I don’t care
It was worth it
Even if I can’t go anywhere for a month, I still had fun
When mom was yelling at me, I started crying
She doesn’t understand
I can’t handle always being with my family
Always getting yelled at
Always getting picked on
My brother and I talked for hours when I got home
He understands
He said anytime I need to get away he will take me
We talked about life
About actually having friends
I don’t have many….maybe two or three
He only has ONE, His girlfriend
But now we have each other
The more we talked, the more I cried
But crying, it felt so good
It was the first time I have cried in over a year
Mom told me herself, she doesn’t understand
She doesn’t understand how we can be so strong
How we can survive all of the deaths around us
Always losing our friends
Rarely getting new ones
Losing our family members
Most from suicide
They weren’t strong
They couldn’t handle it
But I can be strong
I need to be strong
For my Dad
For my Mom
For my brother and my sister
My friends
My little cousins
Mostly, myself
If I’m not strong for myself, how can I be strong for them?
None of them know how I really feel
My brother knows part of it
He says he has been through it too
They all say I’m not myself lately
I don’t feel like myself lately
I didn’t know everyone noticed
But they do…..
They are scared for me
They say I’m acting like my uncle did right before he….committed suicide…
But I keep telling them that I’m going be fine
I’m going to make it through this
Even if I need help…
I will find a way
I haven’t found one yet
But I know I will
They just need to have faith in me
Like I have faith in myself
Have faith!