Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy.
I always say that, don't I?
So it doesn't seem like I'm growing up.
But I am.
I am.

Dear Daddy,
It's been a while since my last letter.
I'm sorry.
I would say "I've been busy,"
But that would be lying.

Dear Daddy,
When I try to write you,
The words won't come to me.
My mind goes blank
As I try to pretend that life is normal.

Dear Daddy,
I still feel like I'm trying to cope.
Adjusting to life without you.
Four years ago this fall,
You had to leave me.

Dear Daddy,
It's been almost two years.
Two years since I last saw you.
I wonder how you look now.
Do you still have a beard?
Or are you clean-shaven?
How much gray has snuck into your scalp?

Dear Daddy,
I worry about you a lot.
Are they giving you enough insulin?
Do they try to hurt you?
I wish I could know.

Dear Daddy,
Mom won't let you call.
But I can still hear your voice
At least, when I read your letters I do.
They are all I have left now.
Letters and memories.
A few things of yours too.

Dear Daddy,
I still have your Hitchcock book.
Your prized Yankees hat.
And a few of your sweatshirts.

Daddy,
I realize sometimes,
Everything you are going to miss
You won't be there.

You won't be at graduation.
You can't walk me down the aisle.
You won't give me away.
Seeing my children when they're born.
Watching them grow,
Watching ME grow,
You won't be there.

Dear Daddy,
I'm 18 now.
Soon I won't be your little girl anymore.
But I want to be.
I really, really do.

Dear Daddy,
I'm scared.
What will I do when you're not here?
Who can I turn to?
Why did you have to leave me?!
Why?!

Dear...Daddy.....
I forgive you.
No Matter What.
I love you.