Thawing

How I feel right now
Is indescribable.
I cry myself to sleep tonight.
I finally cried.

Tears drench my pillow
As tremors rock me to sleep.
My body feels broken,
Snapped in two.

I didn't realize until right now
That I was in denial.
I keep myself thinking of anything else.
Now the memories are rushing back to me.

I'm thinking of how many things
You're going to miss--
The big grin on my face as I show you my driver's license, my graduation;
My next birthday party, Cole's kids.

I've tried to avoid this--
This raw emotion, but somehow
I knew it would come.
I just can't believe that you really are gone.