The beast

I've fought it back for over a year,
not wanting to back to that way of living.
But my guard went down
And I don't think my body will be as forgiving.

I was doing fine, being happy.
But then the stress built
and built
and built.
Then my walls shattered.

When i'm alone,
I feel it, wanting to be released
Like a scream that won't leave
It's eating at my soul like some terrible beast.

Everything will be different if i give in.
What I smell, taste, feel,
the very essence of life.
And they possibility to hold on?
Feels like a dream thats too surreal.

When i'm alone
I can smell the way it used to be.
Edging me on
Buzzing around like some black, heartless bee.

THe feeling itself isn't scary.
It's what i might do.
For nothing scares me more,
then me.