Repacements

Time passes by
Words are unknown
One step at a time
Through halls I’ve always known
Careful thoughts
Inhale, exhale
Breath
“You can do this”
I say to myself
If only I believed
Evidence of troubles past
Love given and gone
Replaced when told irreplaceable
Unloved and forgotten
When told so sincerely
The opposite of what you felt
Obviously
Tears turn to puddles
Eyeliner turns to rivers
Down a broken heart
Flowing
Slow and steady
“Love” I scream
“Learn to love again!
Forget your past!
Let it go!”
Left, right
Step to the side
“Why should I care?
Get rid of him forever”
Scribble, scribble
Foreign words
“You’ve got another”
Strumming, strumming
Singing the beautiful melodies
Of my heart
You’ve already torn apart
“Be gone, be gone”
Once again I scream
Yearning to kiss him one last time
If only in my dreams
“What is love
If the love you love does not believe?”
Open, close
Answer the call
What is the past
If you wish the past to be the present
Smile, wave
Dear eyes,
Please behave
“Listen to your brain”
My heart always screams
Smile, breath
Do it all the same
“Why should I be mad?”
I ask my dearest friend
Laugh, giggle
Hide all the tears
“It’s all a joke” I say
I’m living in my fears
Beat, beat
Keep the blood flowing
“Stop yourself”
You just can’t keep going
Stare at your smile
Love your gracious care
“Just keep pretending”
Act like the pain isn’t there
“He’s happy”
Breath, sigh
Wipe away the tear
“He’s happier without me there.”
Today, tomorrow
“Forever and always”
Listen to his voice
As night turns to day
Tell everyone who asks
“I’m fine, I’m okay”
One more word, one more page
One more easy A
One more night, all alone
Listening to a song I’ve always known
One more tear
One more tissue
“I have to get over you.”
And then I sit
Alone once again
Wondering
“What’s this all about?”
My last thought of every day
Is, once again,
Lord,

Kill me now.

-Victoria Marie Elizabeth Testa