These words,

My lungs gave out
And I chocked
On the bile of sound
And the voice of star
Rising up my lungs and crushing my throat.
I won't say these words.

My legs crashed beneath me
The bones collapsing into ashes
Your weight a sky on top of me
The wind forced from my chest by the pressure of your body.
Too weak, too scared to hold your weight.
I won't say these words.

The pen shook in my hand
The document ready to sign
My heart all packaged
Ready to mail when I sign.
My shaking hand snapped the pen
The document is smeared in ink.
I will not write my name.
I cannot say these words.

A captain goes down with his ship.
But will you forgive me when I say, I jumped overboard
Watching finally the sails sink under ways.
I fled and I swam through the storming waves
Away from the mess
That we became.

I feel as if I held the potion
Brewing in my hand
To fix us
To make it all okay,
But I will never be ready
To kick my walls down and hand myself to you
I can't live without you
Or at least says the tear-stained pillows and restless days
Says the sap songs on repeat, the hollowness inside

Three simple words can be the bandage for Us.
But

I refuse to say these words.